Choosing A Spouse

Choosing a spouse may be the single handedly most important decision a person will make in their lifetime. The person chosen can be the difference between success and failure. It can be the difference between living a happy life and living an utter nightmare. A spouse is meant to be a best friend and support system. They should be caring, compassionate and understanding. They are meant to be a dynamic duo that complement one another. Each one brings a unique set of skills and assets that create a complex and loving relationship.

I have seen in other cultures where parents choose a spouse for their children. While here in America that is not the culture norm, I can’t help but see the positive aspects of it. How awesome would it be to pick my daughters’ husbands and son’s wife. I could take all my useful and wize knowledge and make an informed decision on the appropriate mate. I could ensure that they live a happy and prosperous life and avoid any bad relationships. On second thought, how well would that have worked for me if my parents chose my husband? I do not believe I would be happy and satisfied with their choice for me for several different reasons.

I can’t choose my children’s partners so how do I guide them in making the best choice possible? First and foremost, I think the relationship the child sees in their parents is the first model that they learn. How mom and dad treat each other is the very first example on how to love a partner. Which is why choosing a partner is so important. Your future kids will model whatever relationship you present to them. If children see turmoil and chaos all the time odds are, they will create the same family dynamic for themselves.

Secondly is to teach and implement morals to children. Teach them they should not have sex before marriage. And how sacred their body should be for their future partners. Teach them to dress modestly and not attract unwanted attention. Show them right from wrong and not to follow the ways of the world. Teach them to be morally sound and to go through life in a Godly manner. Teach them to set boundaries and stand on them firmly. Teach to speak their mind and protect their heart. Teach them to have high standards and not to chase those below it.

Last but not least, you have to give children room to make mistakes. Their first love probably won’t be their life long spouse. Allow them to explore the world and figure out what they want in a partner. Allow them to date and have relationships but within the boundaries of what is right and wrong. But most importantly, teach them to trust in God’s plan for them and have faith that God has the perfect spouse in store. Show them to trust in God’s timing, not theirs.

I read an article once that said if you are looking for a spouse first become the spouse you want to be.  I thought that was great advice. You cannot expect a woman to be interested in a man with no job, no house or no future. Just the same as you cannot expect a man to want a future with a woman who is lazy, sleezy, and unreliable.  First make sure you have the appropriate qualities to bring to the table before you start searching for a life long partner.

A husband and wife are more than just husband and wife, they are a team. That team can either work together or against each other. Life can either be a mutual understanding or a constant struggle. Choosing someone to stand by your side forever can be a huge decision and one that should never be taken lightly. The decision will not only affect this generation but generations to come. What will your future son and daughter in law be like?