Sibling Jealousy

I knew that I wanted children from a young age. I would often fantasize about what my domestic life will be like. I would picture the different ways my house would operate and function. The family trips we would take and the joys of being an adult, free and unrestricted. One scenario after another filled my head as to what my future may hold. I was also aware that my older brother, and only sibling was unmistakably jealous of me.

When my son was 6 years old the joyful news of my pregnancy finally came. I was pregnant with a little girl and began counting down the days until her arrival. During that exciting prenatal phase I was saddened by a thought. My little boy’s whole life was about to change and he had no idea. He was no longer going to be the center of attention. It will no longer be just him, mommy and daddy, someone else would suddenly come first. How was he going to cope with all these changes? How was it going to affect him?

My heart silently broke as I struggled with the changes to come. My belly grew bigger and so did my reality. It was already happening, I was already forced to tell him no. No mommy can’t get on the floor to play with you anymore. I will again another day far in the future. No mommy can’t play tag right now, or jump on the trampoline.
I scramble to make up for lost time and find new ways to spend time with him, if only to try and delay the inevitable.

I had to find peace. I searched for some kind of understanding. I knew I was not the first woman to have multiple children, surely I could handle this mountain before me. I prayed for guidance and strength to subdue my insecurities. I hugged my son tight praying he never felt unloved or less than and was determined to not fuel  animosity between siblings. I didn’t want my children to have the relationship my brother and I had. I was determined to create a different outcome.

Then the day my daughter was born came to pass. I saw pride swell in my son’s chest for the first time. He put the title of big brother on and wore it with great regard. I watched him age a couple years right before my eyes. He cried when he was forced to leave the hospital for the night and return home with his father. I knew at that moment my little boy would do just fine with sharing mommy and daddy.

I was still worried about the same thing when I received the surprising news of my third pregnancy. It sent my mind into a whirlwind of what if’s and how do I’s. She is now four months old and it is almost as if she has always been a part of our family. Part of me struggles to remember a time when it was just two kids needing my attention. It is funny how a new reality settles in with each closing chapter of life.

I am so grateful that God made me a mother because there is no other job quite rewarding. I do my best to ensure each child receives quality one-on-one time with each parent, every week. Some days I fail and others I succeed, but I always try. I try to listen to their never ending stories and take interest in whatever has their attention at the moment. I try to make time to hear the little things, that way they will run to me for the big things later. It may not seem important to me but listening with earnestness can help big problems seem so small.

My son is now 11 and my oldest daughter is 4. I am overjoyed as I watch them play and laugh together. Their relationship is like none I have ever witnessed. They always think of each other, ensuring the other is never left out. They are always together planning and preparing for the next activity. It warms my heart to know that no matter what happens to my husband and I, my children will always have each other. I have never seen the jealousy between them that I often see from my brother. I suppose I will mark that as a success in my parenting book.