My Next 30 Years

It amazes me how many times in life I have looked back at my ignorance when I thought I had it all figured out. Even as an adult I can recall several memories that show my immaturity. I can only guess how many more times in my life I will experience this phenomenon. I suppose that is one of the blessings of growing old. To be able to look back and grow from your experiences. I will soon be over thirty and this year has been different from the rest in so many ways. I wish to share with you five things I have learned that changed my perspective of the world.

Number one, do not pour into cups that have no interest in pouring into yours.  I am not speaking of lending a helping hand to those that are down on their luck. I believe God has ways of using those who listen to help people that will never be able to repay. I am speaking about the people close to you in everyday life. Do not give and give until nothing remains, if that person is not willing to give to you also. Doing so will only leave you feeling underappreciated and worthless. Just because my heart feels big enough to fit the whole world doesn’t mean it has to.

Number two, you are either growing toward God or you’re growing away from him. I have actively been trying to strengthen my faith and build my relationship with God. I have come to understand that it takes conscious effort every day to establish a habit. God will never be the center of my life if I do not refocus my attention back to Him every time it drifts elsewhere.

When I am anxious, nervous or worried I should pray. When I am planning or making decisions I should ask for His guidance. When I am discouraged I should ask for his strength. When I am happy I should remember to thank him. Every aspect of my life should come through Him first. It is in our Father that we find comfort, peace, clarification and understanding. Each day is a choice, we are either growing toward him or away from him, not somewhere in-between.

Number three, prioritize yourself everyday. Make sure everyday to take at least five minutes to do something enjoyable. Even if it is locking the bathroom door to gain a few moments of peace. Read a book, paint a picture, watch a sunset, do something that is considered an outlet. It is impossible to continue to pour from an empty cup and expect to be at your best. The dishes can wait a few more minutes, the kids can watch TV for just a little bit longer. Do not deny yourself simple pleasures.

Number four, never stop dreaming. It is healthy and motivating to have dreams. It doesn’t matter how small or big it is, just dream. I would love to own a Victorian style house one day. I aspire to know the Bible so well I can recall each and every verse. I have many other dreams that push me to do better each and every day. It is uplifting to have goals and ambitions to work toward. Accomplishments in return create growth, maturity and confidence.

Number 5, all I have is from God and He is in control. I am fortunate to be able to go to the grocery store without much of a budget. I have a roof over my head and my children want for nothing. However I didn’t get here by myself. I am fully aware everything I have is a blessing from God. From my income stability, my health, my family, my career, all are perfect examples of God’s blessing. I did not get here on my own and I will never forget that.

I have also come to understand that He is in control of my life. I have free will, I am able to make choices and influence many things, but ultimately God is in control. I was adamant from a young age that I only wanted two kids. My third pregnancy rocked me to my core and crashed my world around me, or so it seemed at first. Just when I thought I had it all figured out my stability crumbled. My baby girl is now four months old and it’s incredible the changes in perspective I have witnessed in the last six months. God knew what I needed. It may not always align  with my wants and desires but I trust His plan. I have heard that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I am sure He has chuckled at me a few times. I hope these words of wisdom find you well and encourage you to do better. 

That’s odd

What is something that would be considered odd to find in a newly purchased house?

Stories in the Bible you probably have not heard before.

. Jacob wrestles with God:
Genesis 32: 22 – 31
Jacob is about to cross paths with his brother Esau, the same Esau from chapter 27 that was robbed of his birthright. The story stated that Rebecca encouraged Jacob to take advantage of Isaac’s failing eyesight and disguised himself as Esau to receive his blessings. To Rebecca’s joy and Isaac’s hororer, the plan worked. With vengeance in his heart Esau declared to kill Jacob. Out of fear for her son’s life, Rebecca tells Jacob to flee.
Fast forward a few decades and Jacob is returning to the land of Canaan and has no other choice but to face his unforgettable past. Jacob feared retaliation from his brother so he split his family and livestock to increase the chances of survival. Then he sent lavish gifts to go before him and set along the river hoping his gifts had worked.
Genesis 32: 24-29 reads,
[24] And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. [25] And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob’s thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. [26] And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
[27] And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob. [28] And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.
[29] And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.
Several different scholars have an opinion on the meaning intended by such a fight. One theory suggests it was a way for God to boost Jacob’s confidence. Moments before he prayed protection against Esau. Surely if he can battle an angel, he can handle his elder brother. Another theory indicated it was a perfect example of God taking a lieing, conniving, cheating, sinner and using him to do great things. At the end of the fight, the unnamed man mentioned, changes Jacob’s name to Israel which means “he struggles with God”, supporting the theory that it was not a man that Jacob fought with.


.  Dinah- Genesis 34.
Dinah was the daughter of Jacob and Leah. She was raped by Schechem Hamar’s, son, the leader of the Hivities. Despite the outlandish act, Schechem declared his love for Dinah and beger his father to arrange a marriage. Hamar arrives at Jacob’s home proposing that they allow the two to wed. Jacob and his sons were angry but maintained their composure. They demanded every man of the tribe be circumcised and then they would agree to the marriage. Once the circumcision was complete and the men were no longer ready to fight, Isaac’s sons entered the town and slew every man as a vengence for their sister Dinah.
Genesis 34 reads, [1] And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.[2] And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.[3] And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.[4] And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.[5] And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.[6] And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
[7] And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob’s daughter: which thing ought not to be done.[8] And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
[9] And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.[10] And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.[11] And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.[12] Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.[13] And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
[14] And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us: [15] But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; [16] Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.[17] But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.[18] And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor’s son.[19] And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob’s daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.[20] And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,[21] These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.[22] Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.[23] Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their’s be our’s? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.[24] And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.[25] And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.[26] And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem’s house, and went out.[27] The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister. [28] They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,[29] And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.



#3. Artificial selection is depicted in the Bible
Biblical narrative describes Jacob becoming fed up with the Laban’s lies and deception and demands his wife and children. Jacob tries to be fair to his father-in-law despite being the leading cause of Laban’s farmstead to be anything to speak of. In return, Labin tried to sneak away with the flock and change Jacob’s wages ten times. Not to mention the promise broken in regards to Leah and Rachel.

Genesis 30: 36-46 reads,  [36] And he set the space of three days’ journey betwixt himself and his son in law, who fed the rest of his flock. [37] And Jacob took green rods of poplar, and of almond, and of plane trees, and pilled them in part: so when the bark was taken off, in the parts that were pilled, there appeared whiteness: but the parts that were whole remained green: and by this means the colour was divers. [38] And he put them in the troughs, where the water was poured out: that when the flocks should come to drink, they might have the rods before their eyes, and in the sight of them might conceive. [39] And it came to pass that in the very heat of coition, the sheep beheld the rods, and brought forth spotted, and of divers colours, and speckled. [40] And Jacob separated the flock, and put the rods in the troughs before the eyes of the rams: and all the white and the black were Laban’s: and the rest were Jacob’s, when the flocks were separated one from the other.[41] So when the ewes went first to ram, Jacob put the rods in the troughs of water before the eyes of the rams, and of the ewes, that they might conceive while they were looking upon them: [42] But when the latter coming was, and the last conceiving, he did not put them. And those that were lateward, became Laban’s: and they of the first time, Jacob’s. [43] And the man was enriched exceedingly, and he had many flocks, maid servants and men servants, camels and asses.

A perfect  example of Jacob’s witt and steadfast thinking. He displayed enough knowledge of genetics to know he can manipulate the baby’s born to produce more speckled calves. He built a corral like structure to funnel the animals past the speckled females, insuring more of his kind was produced. Jacob initially got one up on his father-in-law and secured vital resources for his family.

#4. Adam and Eve were not the first people.
Adam and Eve were not the first and only people during that time. Everyone has heard the story of Cain and Abel. Cain slew his brother Abel becoming the first murderer the Bible mentions.
Genesis chapter 4:16-17 proclaims.
[16]And Cain went out from the presence of the Lord, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.[17] And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.
If Cain went to the land of Nod and found a wife, this must mean that other people were alive and flourishing upon the earth at that time. How else could Cain find a wife?
Fun fact Cain is not listed in Adam’s genealogy. Some scholars use this as supporting evidence of Cain being fathered by the devil. 



#5.  The quail of Numbers 11:31-35
In verse 20, the people Moses had led from Egypt and into the desert were complaining of not having foods that were commonly provided by Pharaoh in Egypt.  God provided manna and a continued promise of protection. The people became bored  of the constant diet of manna and  demanded God for more. Then God caused an East wind to blow and Quail was delivered to the camps.
Number 11: 31-35 31 reads, [31] And a wind going out from the Lord, taking quails up beyond the sea brought them, and cast them into the camp for the space of one day’s journey, on every side of the camp round about, and they flew in the air two cubits high above the ground. [32] The people therefore rising up all that day, and night, and the next day, gathered together of quails, he that did least, ten cores: and they dried them round about the camp. [33] As yet the flesh was between their teeth, neither had that kind of meat failed: when behold the wrath of the Lord being provoked against the people, struck them with an exceeding great plague. [34] And that place was called, The graves of lust: for there they buried the people that had lusted. And departing from the graves of lust, they came unto Haseroth, and abode there.
The story explains that God caused a wind to blow that brought forth an abundance of quail. Fresh clean meat for everyone to eat and they did gather food for two days. That’s a lot of meat.

#6. A child is almost cut in half.
The bizarre story of one mother’s grief and another mother’s compassion. First Kings chapter 3 versus 16-328 reads, [16] Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him.[17] And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house.
[18] And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this woman was delivered also: and we were together; there was no stranger with us in the house, save we two in the house.[19]  And this woman’s child died in the night; because she overlaid it.[20] And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom.[21] And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear.[22] And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is thy son. And this said, No; but the dead is thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king.[23] Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.[24] And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.[25] And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.[26] Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.[27] Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.[28] And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.
Another example of King Solomon’s great wisdom that God granted him. For he must have known the real mother would not allow the child to perish.

#7.  Goliath had a brother.
1 Chronicles 20:5 reads, [5] And there was war again with the Philistines; and Elhanan the son of Jair slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, whose spear staff was like a weaver’s beam.
Not only is a brother of Goliath, Lahmi, showcased shortly in the Bible, but many giants were named. Different battles are described in first Chronicles chapter 20 including one that David’s brother slew. Giant hunting clearly runs heavy in that family lineage. The fallen Angels were definitely having some fun also.

#8.  A legion of demons exercise and put into a herd of swine Mark 5:1-13.
[1] And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes.[2] And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,[3] Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:[4] Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.[5] And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.[6] But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,[7] And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.[8] For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.[9] And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.[10] And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country.[11] Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.[12] And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.[13] And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.
This accounts  Jesus exercising unclean spirits into a herd of pigs. The whole herd catapults themself off a cliff into the sea. The Bible warns us about demons and first Peter chapter 5:8 and in Ephesians chapter 6:11-12.

#9. God is asked to perform a spectacle and delivers.
First Kings 18: 19-39 reads, [19] Now therefore send, and gather to me all Israel unto mount Carmel, and the prophets of Baal four hundred and fifty, and the prophets of the groves four hundred, which eat at Jezebel’s table.[20] So Ahab sent unto all the children of Israel, and gathered the prophets together unto mount Carmel.
[21] And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.[22] Then said Elijah unto the people, I, even I only, remain a prophet of the Lord; but Baal’s prophets are four hundred and fifty men. [23] Let them therefore give us two bullocks; and let them choose one bullock for themselves, and cut it in pieces, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under: and I will dress the other bullock, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under:[24] And call ye on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the Lord: and the God that answereth by fire, let him be God. And all the people answered and said, It is well spoken.[25] And Elijah said unto the prophets of Baal, Choose you one bullock for yourselves, and dress it first; for ye are many; and call on the name of your gods, but put no fire under.[26] And they took the bullock which was given them, and they dressed it, and called on the name of Baal from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us. But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they leaped upon the altar which was made.[27] And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.[28] And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them.[29] And it came to pass, when midday was past, and they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that there was neither voice, nor any to answer, nor any that regarded.[30] And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the Lord that was broken down.[31] And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, unto whom the word of the Lord came, saying, Israel shall be thy name:[32] And with the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord: and he made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two measures of seed.
[33] And he put the wood in order, and cut the bullock in pieces, and laid him on the wood, and said, Fill four barrels with water, and pour it on the burnt sacrifice, and on the wood.[34] And he said, Do it the second time. And they did it the second time. And he said, Do it the third time. And they did it the third time.[35] And the water ran round about the altar; and he filled the trench also with water.[36] And it came to pass at the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that Elijah the prophet came near, and said, Lord God of Abraham, Isaac, and of Israel, let it be known this day that thou art God in Israel, and that I am thy servant, and that I have done all these things at thy word. [37] Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know that thou art the Lord God, and that thou hast turned their heart back again.
[38] Then the fire of the Lord fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.
[39] And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces: and they said, The Lord, he is the God; the Lord, he is the God.

God worked through Elijah that day to expose the false profits and return the rightful glory to God. The other altar never caught fire that day, unavailing the truth of the situation. Elijah pouring waited onto God’s altar further drove that point home.

#10. Year of the jubilee.
Back in the Old Testament days,  a person was not permitted to sell their inheritance of land. In fact, if a person wanted to sell their plot, they could only sell their crop or workings of the land. During the jubilee year all contracts were null and void allowing the ownership to return back to the original owner. This would also include any indentions of service.
Leviticus 25:10 reads, [10] And ye shall hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: it shall be a jubile unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family.

Modesty

I have two wonderful daughters. As a mother it is my responsibility to teach my daughters what is right and wrong. In return, I provide them with a good foundation to make decisions. With that in mind, I am presented with thousands of opportunities to teach and guide my children each and every day. One thought that recurs often is how to teach my daughters modesty.

I look around today and the idea of modesty seems to be a thing of the past. It saddens me to see young girls putting their bodies on display and the age seems to drop lower and lower with each passing year. It breaks my heart that they feel the need to present such a spectacle to fill the void that is so obviously there. I even find it difficult to find clothing for my girl that is appropriate, as every market is heavily flooded with alternative options. It’s a lot easier to find cute and adorable show all clothing, than it is to find cute and adorable modest outfits.

My mother somehow instilled it in me to wear clothing that did not reveal my body. I was not the teenager that hid short outfits to wear in secret away from home. In fact, if I recall correctly, I didn’t even own any revealing outfits. Maybe that is the key, to never purchase such outfits for my daughters. Then again, at some point they will be old enough to shop on their own. As a child I completely lacked the desire to dress provocatively and felt my body should be viewed as something special for my husband only.

How does one teach such a virtue when the world often leaves little to the imagination with their choice of attire. How do you insure your daughters that the attention that it will attract will not be the attention God intended for them. How do you make them see that most of the other girls are desperate for affirmation and dressing in such a manner fuels that addiction. How do you convince them that they are not lacking or missing out by not dressing like the other girls.

I find myself continually looking at my own childhood, analyzing right and wrong as I aspire to try to do what is best for my children. I want them to be strong and confident. I want them to have a healthy body image and be able to look in the mirror with content. I want them to wear long dresses and comfortable jeans, self assured that they are beautiful without showing a lot of skin.

After much thought and prayer this is my approach. First and foremost, lead by example. How a mother dresses is vitally important. A mother is a daughter’s very first role model. A title that will likely last a lifetime. A daughter can not help but look to her mother for examples of how to dress, behave, love and work. The list goes on and on for the standards we set for our children.

Secondly, start from a young age. Once potty training was over, even while at home, I dressed my daughter in appropriate clothing. My thoughts is, if she is never running around half naked, it will never be a comfortable lounging attire. Doing so could possibly create the mindset of wearing it in public seems absurd.

Third, I do not purchase short shorts, v cut shirts, two piece bathing suits or belly shirts. If I would not wear it, I do not buy it, period. Realistically, I know they will grow older and one day shop for themselves, but maybe the mindset  will carry over into adulthood. Until then, I will not provide them with those options to wear.

In conclusion, I am no expert and my daughters have yet to reach the age to prove my logic. I am simply a mother trying her best to raise her children right in a crazy world. Sometimes my urge to write and overactive imagination sends me down analytical rabbit holes that lead to more questions than answers. Other times I have an epiphany and everything makes sense only for a small moment. Not sure which one this one is but I am glad you could join me.

Why I Write



My pen glides smoothly over the pages and my mind takes delight in the sight.
Each line is soothing as they bring my thoughts to life. My bridled tongue pursuing  the words tucked away. Each paragraph oozing as my emotions come to play.
Ink splatters on the pages diffusing the chaos in my head. Releasing the strain from the words left  unsaid.


My pen glides smoothly over the pages as my mind takes delight in the sight. Each line soothing, bringing my thoughts to life.
Just as the child before me, this is why I write. It’s a way to tell my story without the spot light. Easier to stay in the shadows, moving just out of sight. Stand back and observe the amusing, determine if their words are right. Bridle my tongue and hold it tight, unleash it in what I write.The words  improving my current state of mind. Each problem I am facing, the solution clearly defined. Oh how my world would be unmoving if the words stayed in my mind.

Because He Needs Me

It  was harkening for me to realize as a first time mother, that the tiny creature before me relied solely on me to keep it alive. I was what decided when and how he was held, fed, bathed, changed, and comforted. My body produced the liquid that filled his belly and sustained him. I poured my heart into another human being like never before, like I never knew possible. I understood every choice I made affected him and could have a domino effect well into his future.

The monumental task before me seemed impossible some days. Being a mother doesn’t have a time limit. It doesn’t stop and become a state of completion. It continues until the day we die and beyond. So many different choices with uncountable outcomes. How scary and daunting a thought can be. Each day I was faced with thousands of opportunities to fail or succeed, knowing each one could have lasting effects. I vowed to do the best I could to provide for him because he needed me.

Then one day I woke up and my son was walking and moving about as he pleased. The once, incapable, fragile baby was now into everything and going non stop. He no longer needed me to warm his bottles and change his diapers, but he needed me in other ways. He needed a soft kiss on his boo-boo and a bedtime story every night. He needed his sandwich cut into triangles and he shoes tied at least twice a day. I noticed the distance between him and I, but was grateful to have a little space to breathe. It can be so difficult to be needed all day, everyday.


Next thing I remember is the overwhelming sight of my son holding his oldest sister. The joy of becoming a big brother beamed from his face. My once baby boy, now seemed a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more capable. I couldn’t hold him in my arms like his sister, in fact he barely fit on my lap. He didn’t need me to kiss his boo boos anymore but he still needed me. He needed me to play along with monster trucks and race cars. He needed me to teach him self discipline and emotional regulation. He still needed me, just in different ways.



I look again and time speeds past once more and before me is a boy who resembles a man. He has broad shoulders and stands tall like his father. He greets me every night when I come home from work and carries my lunch box inside. He holds his baby sister almost as if she could be his own. He no longer needs me to help him with the big emotions inside,  but my name is frequently on his lips. Always asking me to come watch a movie together or if there is any way he can help. He still needs me despite almost being a man. He needs to know I am proud of him and support his every dream. He still needs me.

I hope he never outgrows that mentality of needing me, him and his sisters too. I hope they always require something from me and know I will always be there till the end. It is hard going through each phase of motherhood. From newborn to empty nest, each chapter we are needed a little differently and it is a mother’s  job to adapt and be what our children need.  God blesses mothers I believe, because it’s through Him we find strength and courage to sacrifice and nurture our children. To show up everyday and be what they need despite what we feel like or may need ourselves.

I started by becoming a tiny human’s everything  and now my children have become my everything.  I am not sure where I will be if my children ever stop needing me. It is a reality I find hard to fathom. After being in motherhood for 11 years and three kids later, I am not sure I know how not to be needed. Some days it is hard and overwhelming. Some days I fail and barely pull myself out of bed. Other days I cook three balanced meals and get the house clean. But everyday, I should be grateful, and I pray, I never forget what a blessing it is to be a mother and for guidance to do it His way.

The Never Ending List

The Importance of not losing yourself as a mother is crucial to raising well equipped children. As a mother it is easy to over extend yourself. Someone is always needing something and something is always needing done. However, as mothers we need to prioritize ourselves from time to time. Knowing this, I still have a hard time putting that into practice. I will pour and pour until my cup is completely empty, and then somehow still manage to pour more. I let mom guilt convince me I need to do more and be more, until I am beyond exhausted.

That mindset can be detrimental to a person’s mental health and well-being. Not only will it leave you feeling depleted and underappreciated, it will also take a toll on your body. It affects your mood, your energy levels, it depletes your body’s dopamine. Eventually this leads to having little patience and struggling just to maintain everyday routines. You become irritable and snappy, constantly wearing a flat line instead of a smile. Once the parents become stressed and uptight, it usually resonates through the household. The children mimic the personalities of their parents.

A mother who constantly over gives slowly gives pieces of herself away until only a shell remains. She will forget the small things that make her heart sing. She will forget what makes her unique. She will forget who she is outside of motherhood. The woman that lives inside her will cease to exist, possibly never to be found again. It is our duty to maintain a sense of self so our children will also. It is our job to cater to the little girl inside of us and give her attention as well.

So if you are a mother reading this, for starters, good job and keep reading, it is a great outlet. Also, I want you to know that the dishes can wait, it doesn’t matter that they have been sitting there since yesterday. The laundry already smells funny in the washer, you can restart it later. The toys strung all over the living room can lay there a little longer. Go do something you want to do. You’re not getting any younger and you don’t want your whole life to be a series of events of everyone else coming first.

You can not burn a rope from both ends and not expect failure. You can not continue to bend and not expect to break. You can not continue to pour from an empty cup without consequence. By denying yourself simple pleasures you are robbing yourself of happiness. Not to mention the standards that are being set for your children. Would you want them to create the same type of family dynamic for themselves?

I can guarantee everyone will be a lot happier and more content if you would take a moment for yourself everyday. Even if it’s just five minutes, do something that brings joy to your heart. Read a book, draw a picture, write something, start a puzzle, try that recipe you saw online. Put earmuffs on and lock yourself in a room for a moment of silence. Whatever, just as long as it brings you joy, do it.

It is never too late to learn something new or start a new hobby. Don’t be afraid to be a beginner at something. We must teach our children how to rest and just be. We do not have to fill every moment with an activity. We don’t have to stay busy constantly. The dishes can wait, the kids can wait, dinner can be just a few minutes behind. Take a moment for yourself and just breathe. If not, you’re going to dig yourself an early grave and then you will be forced to rest. Start today, start right now. Until you make a conscious effort to make it a habit you will continue to place yourself at the bottom of the list. A list that never quite gets completed.

Ezra

Introducing my debut novel Ezra!! A twisty thriller with magical realism!

Heather Congrove

HC Content

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