The Balancing Act of Over Loving

The balancing act of over loving

I grew up in a low income family. Money was tight and luxuries were things you only saw on TV. Birthdays and Christmas were special occasions but never delivered presents like other children talked about at school. I always had food, a roof over my head, and clothes on my back. In my parents’ opinion I had enough and I cannot say I disagree with that observation.

However, I worked hard to rise above that, and I stand today, better off than I was. My children want for nothing and they have never seen the struggles I endured as a child. They have countless snacks in the kitchen to choose from and clothes bursting from their closets. They have multiple pairs of shoes to wear and an electronic device around every corner. The stuffed animals take over their rooms to the point that the only place left to hang them is on the walls. Each time a new toy was presented, it  brought huge smiles and polite thank yous.

All sounds picture perfect right? Wrong! Now I am faced with the dilemma of, if I spoil my child they will develop a sense of entitlement and be awful human beings. How is this fair? I want to shower my children with material things and allow them to enjoy all the things I could not. I dreamed of providing my children with a better childhood than I had, and am finally able to provide that kind of lifestyle. How can that be damaging?  Late one night, after the kids had gone to sleep and the house was calm, I pondered just that. How do I spoil my children without having a negative impact on their development?

Then I realized, if you don’t have hard times, you cannot truly appreciate the good. If you do not struggle from time to time, you fail to see when times are easy. It is under the pressure of sadness that you reminisce on just how good it once was. If all you know is good times, the first little disaster could be detrimental. How can a child know how to deal with chaos if they have never seen it?

The epiphany changed my way of thinking and gave me a completely different perspective. My childhood may have been tough but my experiences taught me a lot and  empowered me to provide better for my children. Not better material possessions but better everything else. Better communication, better problem solving, a more stable environment, emotional regulation, and a safe place to talk. More quality time together, more late night movies, more understanding and empathy.

I realized I was so busy trying to fill the void with earthly things, I failed to notice what matters the most, to raise Christ-centered, confident, morally guided, independent children who are capable of making informed decisions. My children will not remember the presents they received for their 12th birthday, but they will remember the skills and techniques I teach them to navigate the world.  The knowledge I share with them essentially becomes the basis for every decision they will ever make in their entire life.

I will not always be here but my words will echo in their minds forever and be passed on for generations. I want those words to ring louder than any doubt that may be in their mind and last longer than any troubled times. I want my children to value time well spent with an aging relative or the kindness of helping someone that they could never repay the favor. I want them to experience the joy of giving to a needy person and how a simple act of kindness can change a person’s whole week. I want them to stand tall on their beliefs and never back down from a challenge.  I want them to know that material things rot and fade away but memories and knowledge last forever. I want them to put God first and live life honoring Him, I know all else will follow.

Since then, my focus has changed drastically. Now I strive to equip my children with the knowledge and resources they need to survive in this ruthless world. I teach them how to grow their own food, how to manage money, how to maintain a bank account, how to take responsibility for their actions and how to live a Godly life. I teach them useful skills that traditional schools never speak of and the best way I have found is to lead by example. We are the first line of defense for our children but they also must fight for themselves. The question is are we sending them to battle clothed with the armor of God and a mighty sword in their hands? Or are we sending them naked and armed with butter knives? The choice is ours as parents to make but theirs to reap, choose wisely.