Mouthwash – The Unexpected Killer

I often utilize grocery delivery. I enjoy saving myself 3 hours worth of work and sanity, to allow them to arrive conveniently at my door, with minimal effort from me. It is a very nice service that I am grateful for. On occasion I order the wrong thing or receive an incorrect item. Just a few days ago my husband placed an order and in this order was a small 16 oz bottle of mouthwash. We had not tried this kind before and I was already a little disappointed in the size. It was quite small  compared to the giant bottles in the big brand names. I chalked it up to user error and without a second thought I put it away with intent to give it a fair try later. Fast forward to that evening and  my husband breaks the seal eager to try the new brand. He tipped the bottle, filling his mouth full. He slammed the bottle on the counter, waving his hands hysterically and pointing to his neck and mouth.

I snatched the bottle and began to scan the label. My eyes key in on 70% Alcohol. By this point I was laughing really hard. He spat the liquid into the sink grasping the sides for support. I watched as his shoulders heaved and hoed as he struggled to breath. Moments later he steadied himself and looked at me. He was red faced, teary eyed and quite disheveled. He examined the bottle and pointed to red writing “concentrate makes 96 oz of mouthwash”. At this point I have lost all control and I am doubled over with laughter. For all you men out there who hate reading directions. You may think you already know, you may even be right. But it might be worth taking a moment to read over those pesky directions.  This is the story of how my husband almost offed himself with mouthwash.